How To Get A First Date: Be Shiny

There’s an age-old saying that goes something like this:  All you need to get a date is a date.  Since that’s quite a catch-22, let’s break it down.  So what does having an online date do for you that gives you the special sauce to get another date?

 

 

When you have a date you feel confident, alive, special, desirable, loved, sexy, snazzy, insert preferred feel-good word here.  And when you feel that way, you shine.  We are all attracted to shiny things. We want to move towards the shiny thing.  Touch it, pick it up, admire it. This shiny thing can be you!

Now I will let you in on a little secret, the recipe for shininess is simple: authenticity and openness. 

 

Authenticity – this means be YOU!  There’s a quote that I love by Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken.” A friend of mine and coach, Alex Wise from Loveawaka dating site, says: “Stop auditioning for other people’s lives.”  When you are authentic, you are more radiant, relaxed, organic, and in the flow.  Be your best self – yes – but most importantly be your whole self.  You don’t need to check all of your quirks at your date’s door.  These are often your most intriguing and endearing parts!  Show up as yourself and you will find and attract the people who appreciate you for you.

 

Openness – This means you are available for other people to engage with.  In other words, you have a permeable personal space bubble.  You are inviting.  You are warm and welcoming to others you interact with. You are the person that people approach to ask for directions or to take a picture for them. You smile easily, and you flirtatiously hold eye contact.  Get the idea? This is key.

Tid bits to chew on:

§  When do you shine?  When do you feel the most YOU? Is it when you’re exercising? Pondering metaphysics? Sunday brunch with your friends? Over a steaming cup of tea and a good book? Whatever it is, do the things that light you up. Shine! Glimmer! Dazzle! Drench yourself in self-love and fill your life with confidence boosters.  Then, turn it on when you’re around attractive swoon-worthy date candidates.

§  How open and available are you?  How can you be more warm and welcoming? What can you do to take down some of your walls and be more present and ready for connection with people you meet? Hint: eye contact and a genuine smile go a long way, folks.

Putting this into play:  See if you can weave authenticity and openness into your day to day interactions with everyone that you pass on the street, on the bus, live with, work with, date, etc.  When you are being your authentic self and are open to those that cross your path, you will be magnetic, meet more people, and get more dates!

Let me know how it goes, I would love to hear about your online dating adventures!